When you’re at the bar and a customer sits down next to you and they keep looking at you wondering why you look familiar. I can feel her eyes and curiosity on the side of my head. BITCH I’M DRINKING “LEMONADE!”
I kinda hate it when people try to hook me up with other people. It’s partially like “oh you think you know me?!” And partially “you think I need help?!” I get kinda stand offish when they either set me up or show me their girlfriend that they think is “sooo perfect for me.” Sounds dumb and I try not to be that way but old habits
Before leg day: I’ma make everyday leg day. Never skip them!
After leg day: …….once a century…..
Hahaha get it? I got challenged to a nugget eating contest. I got till labor day. My co-worker is a hefty guy. I just eat a lot. ….he’s way to excited about it. Any tips would be helpful
Never trust a physic with a please knock sign on their door.
Kid says “HI!” I say hi back. Kid says “HI!” again. I say hi back again. Kid says “HI!” again. I say hi again. …..
I refuse to lose this game
Boy I made the mistake of answering the question “who I think is cute” in the store. At first I was like no one really. Then “ok blah, blah…..oh and blah.” Coworker “damn you didn’t even mention me!” ….some were blushing, some are butt hurt. …….que da fuq?
I wonder how many vegans/vegetarians get the “toss salad” jokes.